all my life i’ve known myself to be this…intensely shy person who was afraid of social gatherings and always feed of what people thought about me when they looked at me or fear of being humiliated. now at the age of 19, after discovering avoidant personality disorder i feel that the personal problems i have may be deeper than what i’ve always imagined. i’ve been thinking about it all week long and now i feel that i may have avoidant personality disorder. even when i go down the list of symptoms, i can at least name one thing i have wrong with me that fits the description of the symptom.
•Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection. (at work i’m always afraid of making contact with people. i even noticed today my behavior. i work as a CNA and it’s my duty to take care of residents. i noticed today instead of just…doing my work and getting it over with i paced around knowing in the back of my mind that i had to do my work but something deep down wasn’t letting me make the first move. all i could feel was fear and anticipation)
•Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked. (i will not deal with people if i feel like they don’t like me. if i feel like someone doesn’t like me even though it’s not the case then i just won’t make contact with that person. sometimes i get the impression that people don’t like me and feel that way all the time…i try to analyze people to see how they react around me. if i feel like their reactions show that they don’t like me then i just try to steer clear of them).
•Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed, ridiculed, or rejected. (i show some restraint when it comes to my husband. i know he loves me so being around him is a lot more easier for me. but still…i’m not as loose as i should be around him. even when it comes to SOME emotions like having a moment when i have to open up and share some of my feelings with him, i get this feeling like he won’t like what i have to say. it feels like i avoid doing a lot with him even though i would like for him to know everything about me.)
•Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations (i do notice in some social situations, i focus a lot of making a mistake and being talked about in front of my face. growing up this happened to me a lot and i feel like for this reason, it makes me not want to get involved with large groups of people. i rather stay by myself. that way i’ll know i won’t be made fun of.)
•Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy. (in some instances, i feel like i’m not good enough for something when faces with certain situations. i notice when i talk to people, sometimes i’m not relaxed. sometimes my interactions with people aren’t as natural as i’d like for it to be. eventually it becomes awkward for me and then i start to focus on how people view me or what they think about me at the moment. at this point i wonder if the person i’m talking to thinks i’m weird because of how i behave when i talk to them).
•Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others. ( i feel this way all the time…even though i look at myself in the mirror and know i’m not exactly a bad looking person, i still somehow convince myself into believing i don’t look good. everytiime i go out in public, i sorta compare myself to a girl i see and try to find something nicer about them that i don’t have. when i do this then i automatically think i’m not better than them).
•Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove to be embarrassing. (my husband has been trying to get me to step out of my comfort zone for the longest. it never works because i feel like if i do and do something different than what i normally do i’ll embarass myself. whenever i do try, i feel awkward and i do feel embarassed.)
hyperactive sensitivity to critisism. (i’ve been doing this as long as i can remember. i just cry when i feel like someone is being harsh with me.)
idk where to go from here if i do have avoidant personality disorder. i want to talk to someone but idk where to start being honest.

Tags: Avoidant, CNA Training, Disorder, Personality

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012 at 4:27 pm and is filed under CNA Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.