Is It Time For My Fiance’ And I To Call It Quits? He Wont Work, Or Do Anything To Help Me, I Need Advice!!?
Thanks for reading.
I am 19 years old, starting college this week, and I have serious problems with my fiance’, who is 21. We have been together for about a year and a half, and lived together for almost 6 months now. He has done me very dirty in the past, BEFORE we lived together, but i forgave him because i loved him so, but now I dont know if i made the right decision. When we moved in together, we were working the same job, and rode together, because (like a genius) he sold his only vehicle. Well, I got a job as a CNA, and wanted to quit, so we both quit, i got my job, and he was supposed to get another job. Well, that never happened. So, for almost 5 months, i was paying EVERY bill all alone. He didnt make much of an effort to find a job, and wouldnt help around the house, he just sat up all night playing games, and slept all day. Well, he knew I was starting school in January, so, we had a deal that by that time, he had to have a job or move out, because i wouldnt be able to work as much and could not pay the bills.
About a month ago, he FINALLY got a job at a grocery store that is 5 minutes from home, not much money but it was a job and i was thrilled to have some help…
WELL.
One day while i was at work, he texted me and told me he was sick so he was calling in..
Then, when he tries to go back to work, they tell him he is FIRED.
I found out from someone, that he didnt even call in work, he just didnt show up. Meaning, he pretty much just lost his job on purpose? right? And he lied, and lied about it.. then tried to tell me this crazy sh*t that he never even told me he called in.. just a bunch of lying BS.
So doesnt this show he doesnt care if I work my a** off, as long as he doesnt have to?
Well, like i said, im starting school now, and I need him to get out.
But he has nowhere to go.
I love him, but all of this had made my feelings change for him DRAMATICALLY. But I am afraid to be without him.. I dont know what it would be like, i am scared i would make the wrong descision, and I just dont know how to move on!! I tried breaking up with him but when he started to walk out the door all i thought about was the good things and I couldnt let him go.. but i am very unhappy.. and again, he has no family, and no one to stay with!! I dont know what to do!! please give me some advice!!
i would GREATLY appreciate it!
Well, I know how you feel, as women when we love someone we feel a biological need to take care of someone… even if we secretly hate them. If you want my true, personal opinion, you’re too young to get married anyway, especially to someone who doesn’t respect you and abuses your kindness. He’s a loser, honey, plain and simple. It’s okay not to forgive him. It’s okay to move on, no matter how scared you are. You’ll find that all you needed all along was yourself. You’ll find someone worthwhile someday – in the meantime, make your life about you and dump your baggage (him)!
he’s being a mooch and just using you for his own selfish needs and wants a mother not a wife.
I would personally call it off, for your sake, or just have a break, go live with your family for a month or two, don’t give him too much money&he might realise he needs a job because that’s what it will be like, If that still doesn’t work leave him, and I know breaking up is tough, and I understand that he has nobody but if he truly loved you he would help and show that he wanted to be with you, how do you expect to have a family when your old enough? i would show him what will happen&if he goes back to his lazy ways leave him for good, because it’ll end up in arguments, and if your married, divorce and if you have kids, is it really worth it?
You said it yourself really… your feelings for him have changed dramatically and you are afraid.
If it is any help I know how you feel more than you know, I lived with my ex for over 8 months, we didnt work together, but during that time I was the only one really providing while he enjoyed the xbox and worked a day a week at some self storage place where his mother had some strings. I loved him so much as well and he cheated on me a number of times but I forgave him because I thought I wouldn’t find anyone else like him.
You obviously have trust issues with him, that he is lying to you isn’t helping that and that he is not showing you any respect! Respect, love and trust are the things that make a solid foundation for a relationship and even though you are engaged, that doesn’t mean that those things are there!
From the sounds of it, there is no trust, no respect and the love is more fear in a way.
I know it is hard, but where he goes is his own problem. Maybe it is the kick up the a*** that he needs to make him realise that he can’t live off you anymore!!! You have more important things going on at the moment, you have college and the fact you still are working with college is an achievement in itself!
It will be hard at first, it always is, but I promise you, it will get better. If you truly are this unhappy, end it, I hate saying that, but you sound so unhappy with it all. When he is leaving, think how he treats you and how you feel when you are like this… I know the good times are nice, but those are memories not your reality now.
I hope this helps, good luck and remain strong
-x-
oh wow, u better QUIT or beat the living **** out of him. when you have sex with him, he probably just changed and didnt care about loving you anymore. He was chasing for your sexy body for sex and when you did he didnt care anymore
Sounds like he is lazy and a real jerk. You have to consider what is going to make you happy. Unless there is a dramatic change in his life (which won’t be happening anytime soon), he is going to continue down this self-destructive lazy path of his and drag you along for the ride. Do you want to work all day while he sits around playing video games and drinking? Let me guess…dinner isn’t made when you get home and the beds aren’t made either.
You are going to have to take care of yourself. Yes, you love him but you can’t be his mother, maid, supporter, and more. You are going to have gray hair before you reach 30. What happens when you have kids?
Think about it. You will find that you already know the answer to your question.
You should never be scared to be on your own hun, and I think it would be the best thing you could ever do. Trust me, carry on with your studies and get a life for yourself…let him be a slob, but not off your money. GET RID…
Okay, if you aren’t happy, get out of there. Just do it. He sounds like a bad fiance. He is a grown man who doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have a car or a home. He will NOT make good husband material.
golly gosh girl what a pickle you are in and sorry to tell you the truth of it he is a deadbeat and you best get him gone today don’t wait just do it and don’t concern yourself about where or what he will do he can go to a refuge or sleep in the park he has created this for himself and now has to deal with it himself… years from now you will look back and think thank god I never married him and what on earth did I ever see in him let alone love him…!!!
there is nothing worse than a lazy man let alone a lazy man who also lies…
find a nice hardworking boy who knows that the secret to a happy life is a happy wife and be happy…
please for me just do it and if he won’t go willingly when he goes out for food or something or send him on a false errand or to the movies anything get the locks changed and leave his personal things in a bag at the outside of the door…
love is a doing thing not a saying thing and his actions show clearly no respect and no love…
so get strong and get going and good luck ok!!
You should probably dump him. If this is the way he is now, then imagine how things will be once you are married and he knows it’s not as easy to leave him. He obviously doesn’t care about you and he’s not doing his job and taking care of you. You shouldn’t have to pick up his slack. Marriage is a team effort and he needs to meet you in the middle. He is showing you now who he really is. Pay attention and make sure this is what you really want. Don’t let him become accustomed to you doing everything for him.
First things first: put any wedding plans on hold. In fact, I would call off the engagement altogether. That doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship, but it would be a far greater mistake to commit yourself right now to building a future with someone you’re not convinced can be the partner you need than it would be to risk the uncertainty of finding someone else. If you ultimately decide that he’s not the one, don’t feel obligated to stay with him out of a sense of pity or fear he won’t be able to manager. He has to learn how to take care of himself sooner or later, and not having you to carry him along may end up being the push he needs.
are you crazy woman ? why should he work if you are providing the money and he has a cosy home and can watch tv and play games all day sur he is having a ball, while you are exhausted and fed up. So now you have to sit down and think of all the good things he does and all the bad things and make a decision how good is he for you and what does he do that’s so brilliant that you would want to live with him. Ask yourself this question if you had a baby in the morning would he help in anyway and be honest with your answer. SO really I think you have to dump him and make a better life for you as he is just a leech and no good for you. You deserve better than that and you know it as you wouldn’t have sent the question in the first place………………….. Hope you turn your life around.
The question you need to answer is, is this something that you can live with for the rest of your life? Forget about being afraid of not being with him or making the wrong decision, just think about marrying this person and having to deal with their crap for the rest of your life. I know that we all have crap, but some crap is easier for us to deal with. You sound like a gracious person, he did you wrong and you forgave him. That’s a good thing, but now he has lied to you again and he sounds like a really lazy person. What happens if you guys get married and you have kids? That’ll be even more work for you to deal with. It just doesn’t seem like he’s willing to make the sacrifices that are necessary for a healthy marriage. Forget about your fears of leaving him or not being able to move on, there are plenty of men who aren’t afraid to work or sacrifice for their women. Also don’t worry about him not having any where to go because he is an adult and that is his responsibility.
get rid of him, he needs to be kicked to the curb. he doesn’t respect you enough to make it work, and you should be looking out for your best interests. he/you need to move on. he’s selfish and lazy.
I had a good mind to defend this guy, but wow… he’s just lost.
For a guy to not get a job for 5 months. That’s really serious. I don’t want to judge and you are obviously still very much connected to him, but to be honest things don’t seem so well. It scares me that there are so many irresponsible people out there. That’s really spooky.
Dump his sorry ***.
You need a man who can provide for you. You are the one who is giving your all. He is holding you back. Don’t be one of those sorry girls who get all hung up on a guy, and she never gets to live her life the way she wants.
You sound like a strong independent woman, and you don’t need a man to complete you.
YOU GO GLEN COCO!!!